I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
