I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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