she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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