can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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