I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
