At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
