I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
