for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
