i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
