haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
