Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
