quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
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My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
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Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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