I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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