I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
