I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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