I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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