we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
