i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
