Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I showed him my bush... on skype.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
