we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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