if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
