I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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