Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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