Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
