direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
