Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
