Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
