We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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