Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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