Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
