My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
