what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
