Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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