I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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