i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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