I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
