My balls are so social today.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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