can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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