eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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