I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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