i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
