What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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