went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
