My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
