dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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