But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
