He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
