It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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