Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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