Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
