remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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