also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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