the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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