After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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