that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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