I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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