another moral hangover. fuck.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
