Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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