I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
