4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Don't make out with my wife yet
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
