My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
