I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
