And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
