drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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