my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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