Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
