I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
