thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
