fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
