Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
