Redeem this text for a blowjob
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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