From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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