Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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