All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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