If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
