My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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